in a sudden thought

OHMYGOODINESSIMSOGONNAGETRETAINED.

I know i should not procrastinate. I know the opportunity cost i'm wasting now by typing this is the time i could've spent to figure out my math. I just cant help it. It's either this, or i'll be in that corner in my room shivering now. Heh.

Bunny, i'm so scared.

I'm not sick.
Not now.










































Please.

I just remembered people check my blog in school. Oh geez. I hope they didnt type in the address. I so dont want the entire school to know me la.


Another note.

Dear world, could you just ignore me these few days ? I dont like people staring at my toys and at my knee.



About the knee, x-rays're to be out next week i think. I've a bad feeling about this really. But i guess, i wont know for certain until then, would i ? Oh well.

You know, running has always been an escape for me, maybe that's why i never liked competitive running. Why bother trying to see who's the greater escapist ? It has never been a competition with others but rather, it has always been a struggle against myself.

paper start.

Part of my conversation with soulmate just now:

yun
pak was saying i'm 'damn calm' la.
yun
i dont feel upset for some reason.
mk
you are damn calm when?
yun
when he asked about hows the paper
yun
everyone else started sprouting vulgarities at him while i was like 'i left 2b blank' (insert blank big eyed look)
mk
Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahhahaha

Really now, i think i'm starting to master the dumbo look already. Haha.



Oh yea. Speaking of econs, my arms're very stiff now, first time i had to write so much in 2 hours. Like ouch. My hand cramped twice - actually it was like, i tried to shift my pen and i felt pain, hence i presummed that it was cramping but in actuality i guess it was cramped all along, just that i didnt really feel it or something. Hmmmmmm.

Before that, GP essay was rather weird. I was considering doing the foreign talent one, after all, with all the hype and the PM's speech and all. Besides, i guess i read enough nonsense on it and have enough experience with it to really crap something that might remotedly make sense. In addition, like what i told Ms Young yesterday, the whole INSURE -> HATERD -> FEAR for the general explaination for resentment towards foreign talents. Suhaidah used that i line heard. Oh well. As long as it helped someone.

In the end i didnt do that, choosing to do a less dry topic on sexism. I think i messed up my organisation for it though. I really didnt know what i was writing this whole day. Even during econs, i just kept scribbling and scribbling and whenever i stopped to think about the question, i'll be like "eh. what was i writing about again ?"



Other news,

1. i realised i spent an addition 200 dollars this two weeks. In addition to the 400 earlier this month. I AM SO DOOMED LA. SOMEONE TAKE MY CARD FROM ME !!!

2. i'm starting to get anti-social. like very. i realised i stopped saying hi to people like nigel stanley, the canoeists and the people from my chinese class. nooooooooooooooooooo.

3. Mum's birthday's tomorrow but she just gave me more money. *Smacks head* Urgh.

On a side note

I met a crazy old guy on the bus back home today.

Warren, it's all your fault.


More on it tomorrow.




I still feel like throwing up. Heh.

~*~

It's been some 3 years since you died - this is the first time i'm saying this so straightforwardly, i think the events happening're are killing me spiritually.

Like always, i'm still wondering, what happened and what could've happened. But i guess, i'll never know, would i ? Oh well, happy 17th birthday YeeChiat. I didnt forget you, i still remember your laughter, i'll be so angry at myself if i forgot. I miss your dumb jokes. Watch over us, okay ? =)

hello.

I had this whole chunk - reminds you of josiah does it ? - of stuff to write down today as i was walking up the slope to school for SPA but as usual, i forgot. Ironically, i was still telling myself to jot them down first.

Anyway, SPA was horrible. I could've cried a bucket-full of tears for it but then i guess i'm too tired to do so.

Day was alright i guess. Gerald sponsered I bought more lolipops. Yayness.

I think the most interesting/happy thing that happened today was Eugene's message. Haha. I just couldnt help feeling happy la. Oh yes. And Gerald and his dumb probability examples. Heh.

Oh yea. You know that portion of text quoted down there ? For some reason, the more i read it, the more upset i get. The truth hurts ? Maybe. I dunno. Ah, whatever la.


Papers start tomorrow, revision or should i say studying's not done yet. I'm quite doomed am i not ? Gerald threatens to throw wilfred off the building if i get retained. Crap.

Trust is an issue most easily abused, due to the fact that sometimes the synergy between the mind and the body is unceremoniously broken. And you'd wonder why I hesitate to trust people with certain things all the time. Since all people can be trusted with some things,some people can't be trusted with anything and nobody can be trusted with everything, there is need to be careful where you place your trust.


Whatever you say then.




On other news, saw this guy that looked like jeshua today at the airport, only thing is, he's from rj. Hur.

Gerald's worried about me for some reason. Meeting him tomorrow. =)

Last night, approximately 11.50pm

Weijie: You sure you dont need a ring tomorrow morning ?
Me: Yea. I'll try. Like what i do everyday. Haha.
Weijie: Haha. Well, alright, but if you need help, just ask.
Me: I'll manage.

Today morning, approximately 6.40am

Me: Oh crap. I just woke up.
Weijie: Haha. Thought you would. So i guess you're slightly late again ?
Me: Nah. I've decided to go after econs.
Weijie: They're going through essays for market structures !
Me: But i'll fall asleep there !
Weijie: Ok ok. You get borrow my copy if you want.

10.30am, at the bus stop near my area waiting for 40 to get a cuppa from starbucks before school

Johann: Good luck for your math test !
Me: Ehh. I just left my place. The test's at 12.50, i'm going to starbucks for coffee now.
Johann: What ?! Eh. Get me a cup.
Me: I dont really have any lessons with you, remember ?
Johann: Oh yea, right. Bugger..

i'm feeling rather ambivalent today. I think i shall waste my time on teevee instead of figuring out my math. For some reason, i'm quite sick of math. I'm kinda banking my hopes in Chinese for now. Speaking of which, i feel somewhat bad for not going for Chinese today.

Alright. Regardless. Firstly, i'm quite sick of school and whatsoever's going on. Papers are coming. So worrying.

I forgot what i want to say again. Oh wells. I think the papers are messing up my head. Bah.




I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.
I want exams to end.

It's pays to have a cousin just a year older taking most subjects you're taking. Not that i've enough time to ask enough questions to save my rear.

But nevertheless, despite all the pranks you've pulled on me and the times you tried to embarrass me - like in your damn school's canteen and hall for instance - thanks. You've been a blessing in so many ways. =)


In other news, it looks as if a bitch fight's gonna break loose on wilfred's blog. Hur. See la. That's why even though you should be nice to everyone, dont be too nice to wilfred.

Just kidding. Love you wil. =P

tuning in.

This morning, when i woke up and checked my phone, i realised that my dearest - note the sarcasm - neighbour, Joey rang me at 1.25am in the morning. Thank goodness the phone was on silent.

I had a feeling he was trying to get me to sneak out for another of his insane food cravings in the middle of the night. Yes, sometimes, i think you're worst than me when it comes to food. Hur. Anyway, so i messaged him and he replied after say, 6 hours later ? When half the day was gone already, he told he wanted to go out to mug today. Oookayy.. Anyway, my fault for being asleep already, so yea, I'M SORRY JOHANN. =(

Next saturday perhaps. =)

~*~

Today's sermon was great. I felt so lifted. =)

Yup. To find answers, you need to relinquish your rights to God. Only when you let go, can god truly take control. Simple concept, so easily forgotten.

Oh and there was this song, i forgot it already, as usual, but it really hit me. Like ouch, ouch and ouch to the power of infinity or something. Hur. Okay, not funny.

I'm really out of nonsense to write now.


Then, think i wanna get some new nail polishes tomorrow. I cant find my fairy floss one. Just when i'm in the mood for pink. Speaking of nail, better go trim them. Coz regardless of whether the knee's gonna pop out, chondromalacia or not, one last climb for the year. =)


Ps. Benji, eraser please. =P

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

I know,

He will never leave me,
Never forsake me,
Never mislead me,
Never forget me,
Never overlook me,
and He'll never cancel my appointment in His appointment book. =)

When I fall, He lifts me up.
When I fail, He forgives.
When I am weak, He is strong.
When I am lost, He is the way.
When I am afraid, He is my courage.
When I stumble, He steadies me.
When I am hurt, He heals me.
When I am broken, He mends me.
When I am blind, He leads me.
When I am hungry, He feeds me.
When I face trials, He is with me.
When I face persecution, He steels me.
When I face problems, He comforts me.
When I face loss, He provides for me.
When I face death, He carries me Home.


Then, i also found this hymn today, it's such a beautiful one.

I don't know about tomorrow; I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine for its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry over the future for I know what Jesus said;
And, today, I'll walk beside Him for He knows what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand.
But, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!

Every step is getting brighter as the golden stairs I climb.
Every burden's getting lighter; every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining; there no tear will dim the eye.
At the ending of the rainbow where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand.
But, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!

I don't know about tomorrow; it may bring me poverty.
But, the One who feeds the sparrow is the One who stands by me.
And, the path that is my portion may be through the flame or flood,
But, His presence goes before me and I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand.
But, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!


I love you Daddy. =)

issues.

I'm so jaded.

Firstly, i dont like hiding things, so to put this openly this.

WENXIN

I did not, in any sense target you in any entry.

I heard, that you do not understand why i was 'alright' in my message to you. As you put it, after what we went through, i would think you would know my objectivity is directed towards issues and not people. I do not dislike you or whatsoever. I get pissed at things, obviously, who doesnt ? Thing is, i still care for you as a friend. If i didnt, i wouldnt have even bothered to get involved with any of your problems in the first place. I sounded 'normal' because i really am concerned for you, who bothers to even message someone you dont ? I dont have much issues against you, i get tetchy when you get bitchy i admit. But what you gave me was a ambiguous answer. You told me that when i spoke up, i made things tense, when i didnt, people think i'm pissed. Thing is, maybe i am, but it's at the issue, not person. I just wanted some time out.

I recall already telling you that i am going through a crazy time now. Not just with promos but with certain external factors. I came to school today because i wanted to pass hem the earphones she said she wanted and was hoping for a chance to talk to you. But, when i arrived, you had already left.

You may say it's my fault for being late. But thing is, why i didnt confront things straight on wednesday after the paper was as i needed to collect my thoughts. Why i seemed so passive as i was walking towards the hall ? Well, this is something i do when i dont want to be too emotional. I filter stuff better that way. I find it easier to be objective as i am more detached.

If you are to ask why did i not speak to you personally now, well, ask yourself then, will you bother to listen ? I dont know. You concluded and judged me before i was given a chance to defend myself. I'm cornered. I dont really, have much of a choice now do i ?

Well, you can choose whether you want to believe me or not. I may not have clarified your issues with and against me, but that's, as far as i can recall for now. If you're willing to speak and listen, i'm willing to hear your say and answer you.

show you love

I miss wangki.

Two main things that reminded me of him today,
1. i saw a poster for Deathnote. Haha.
2. when wilson sent me this message on my latecoming

Anyway, thing is, i really miss his funny accent, his dumb actions, his rosy cheeks ! Hahahaha.

I remember the first day we knew each other. I slapped him. I'm not gonna elaborate on it. But yea.

As i got to know him better, i realised that he's one of the most vulgar guys i knew and as far as i know, he the only guy i know of that scolded a girl with such language. But then, i slap him really often, so i guess we even out.

It's like while he and the guys tease me really often, ki's one of them who knows when to stop. He rarely does it for long and usually before you know it, he's helping me defect and defend against them.

I miss the messages i get every single morning asking whether i was in school yet and where i was. Him, tagging along with me for my first ever bio lecture (which was so uber boring) because no one among us took the subject besides me.

Joseph and khairi's constant jokes about the rich kid and his lil' toys. Us being mistaken as being together because we seemed really close.

The first person i cried to and poured out to from this school. On my birthday even. Haha. While i met many new people after that initial few months, i guess, he's one of those that really left an impact in me. Somedays i just wish that he were still here. Till now i still dont understand his decision.

He and his honey lemon. I guess, the thing about ki is that, while he might tease at times, he doesnt push too much. Then, you know he cares. Not that the people now in school dont. Just that, ki's the type you know, really cares for you and and doesnt in the least fear showing his concern for you. And i guess, that's what really matters for people like me.


I dont just want your love, i want to know you love.


Maybe that's why i never found any other guy that's worth it after daniel.

speak.

Anyway, in case i forget and she screams at me: THANKS ELVIS !!! (see, 3 exclamation marks. tsk.)

Chinese paper today. I thought it was alright (as in, i thought i might pass) until elvis told me that all her friends (whose basically chinese is MUCH better than mine) felt that the paper was tough.

Regardless, i've decided to get the whole whether i'll conditional or not if i do end up so but instead spend time on this last 7 days to cram for all my subjects. Math consultation tomorrow. I hope to get math revision more or less completed by this week. In the meantime, i shall try to finish reading my SLOMAN. I still dont understand LRAC and whatnot.


I feel that usually, when you want to talk to someone about something, it's always the first step that's the hardest. As in, the whole approaching the person and topic bit. Trying to come to a compromise. I think the word's overused. Compromise i mean. We say that whenever we want to feel gracious and dont want to change. I dont know if i ever come off as being hypocritical or not because no matter what others feel, i doubt i am so.

Maybe i'm trying to hide my feelings nowadays. But that's only because not everyone wants to know how you feel. Sometimes just because you get too opininated, hence someone else is hurt. Thus, i'm trying, trying so hard to make myself 'normal'. I dont know if you guys are worth it. Because i really cant see myself there yet. You claim i impose my beliefs, maybe i do. But i wont let go of my principles just because of you guys. You feel i'm being selfish here. I guess i am, but to me, whether you like it or not, God is above all.

He is my one and only judge. Not you. He is the only one i need and want to account to. So no matter what you say about me not being inflexible, weird or whatso, i wont bother, neither will i change myself to be acceptable to you when it's against my morals. Because i know that despite everything, only God will be here for me forever. He will accept me as long as i tried my best to live that righteous life he intended me to.

you lift me up.

Tam-pines.net is down again. It's effing irritating that they ALWAYS seem to do their maintaince during crucial study periods.

So yea. Miraclously, i passed my econs whateverthatscalledtest. An E actually, but a pass nevertheless. I'm quite alright with it seeing that i only realised about the damn thing 5 days before and studied almost everything not-relevant for it while not having enough time for the needed stuff. I just need to pull it off once more. Just once more this year.

Speaking of econs, when i realised that i was still studying useless stuff like maginal utility, i verbally expressed my utter disappointment in myself - in other words, i said: shit - and was asked by mrs loh to go wash my mouth with soap and stop being so vulgar. Zzzzzzzz. Okay. I'll use excretion, waste products or faeces next time.


That was one gross paragraph. Oh yea. Chem test tomorrow. What chapter i forgot already. Thank you people for not telling me about it. I wouldnt even know about it today if not coz i told pooh pinyi about me planning to seek chinese consultation tomorrow after class.

Anyway, today's my dearest Benji's birthday. =)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENJAMIN. Thank you for always being there to remind me of my principles and of God's love. For being there to keep me together when i feel like i'm falling apart and for lifting me up on all those occasions. Thank you for being that steadfast and amazing friend, walking these crazy years with me. Love you ! =)


Ps. Benji ! Where's my eraser !!??

loving you.

I think, sometimes, you just cant help loving someone so much that despite what the person has done, you just want to be there to care for him/her/it and protect him/her/it. Even though we might not accept what the person has done, you just cant help continue loving and forgiving him/her/it. Even though we might fear what the person is facing as much, or even more than what he/she/it fears, we want to be there for them and shield them from that hurt.


I think that's what Christ felt when he decided to die for us.

lying.

I remember how earlier this year, whenever i was on my runs with Nigel i'll spill some stuff to him and him to me. One answer he gave me that i never really understood till lately is whenever i asked him why he lies, he'll say that he rarely does, most of the time he just doesnt tell the truth.

You might say, isnt not telling the truth, lying ? Well, think carefully, because he's right, he isnt lying.

These few months i've had so much experience in this aspect i feel guilty. I dont lie, i just dont tell you the truth, instead, choosing to give a neutral answer, hiding the complete and absolute truth in the truth i gave you.


I told you guys before, i'll choose to retain if i end up getting conditional. I wont want to take my A's unprepared.


Promos start this wednesday, i know i'm not ready, but i'm not afraid anymore.

i cant

i cant get you off my mind
i cant get you out of my system

i cant help thinking about what went wrong
i cant help hoping that i gave you that letter
i cant help asking myself why i still miss you
i cant help wishing that we might still be together




i just cant.

church of christ

Rathi washed all my sneakers so i had no choice but to wear heels today. You wanna know something ? I love heels. So much that it's painful. Pun, deliberate.


Anyway, had actually planned to study at the airport today but i forgot i agreed to kenneth's church's youth outreach program (and edwin 'pudgy' wan's church anniversary service). So yea. In the end i went for kenn's church's. It was a rather enriching experience. The speakers were somewhat different, but nevertheless, interesting. The second one especially, explains the whole him being a salesman thing actually. Hahahaha.

But i think the whole 'i'm going to heaven when i die, what about you (you're going to hell)' bit doesnt work with everyone. I always feel that we should not harp so much about eternal damnation - especially not on first encounters - until people are more informed about the gospel. But i guess he wanted a wholesome session, touching on the whole 'greatest deal' bit too. Hmm.. A very different experience really. Very traditional. Enjoyed it thoroughly.


Oh and that hymn i've been searching for since some twenty eon ago ? Tallis Canon ? It's by this dead dude called Thomas Tallis if i didnt recall wrongly. And it's actually titled All Praise To Thee, My God. Kenn said he didnt know how to sing it though. Such a pity.


Good day. No studying done though. I'm so dead la. Even the chinese teacher's like too frustrated about me to bother scolding my classmates for my non-attendance. Instead he tells me to look for him on Monday and Tuesday, basically, days before the paper on Wednesday. I'm screwed. Really screwed.

Alright, last thing to say tonight. As i told warren already, i cant help but keep visualizing him - not warren, someone else. That round and chubby frame and that saccharine smile. Sigh.


Ps. The auntie at the dry-cleaners told me wilfred's only coming back on monday after 3pm. =(

toilet paper

I think the auntie at the airport's toilet near starbucks doesnt like me. She checks the damn cubical after i use it everytime. It's like she thinks that i'm stealing her toilet paper or something. Zzz.

Then, there was ms amazon-wigglybutt. Your glutes are not very toned ma'dam, please stop shaking it in front of my face. Not very sightly, really.

Also, i dont know how, i think i was rather annoyed/pissed/angry/upset just now and as i was walking to the bus stop - yes, i decided to take a bus today as i was damn cold - i got lost. I realised i couldnt find the outlet and so i just stood in the middle of the place, line floating through my mind at that time: Where the hell's the damn bus stop ? And it's not like today's the first day i'm walking to the bus stop. Seriously, i dont know what's wrong with me.

Oh yea, in addition, last night wilson suddenly messaged me, saying he saw me in the library with a guy and thought he was "romancing" me. *Coughs, chokes, wheezes* Also, after school when i went out with david and wx for lunch, i saw some random cutey stuff again and decided to get them for my sisters. Then, the uncle at the shop asked if i was buying it for my boyfriend. Lastly, when i was on my way home, i saw nyuk qiang, who when noticed i brought food to school today, asked if it was for my boyfriend.

Okay people, here's the damn thing, i'm not attached. I'm SINGLE AND UNAVALIABLE. I do not believe in LONG-TERM COMMITMENT at the moment - unless your name happens to be Daniel Koh then i'll get back to you on that. Hahahahaha.


Oh a cheerier tone. The counter staff that served me was a cute, butch-looking female. Heehz. She reminds me of that vj-tracker. Mmmm..

i love you.

Indicate the positive traits that you have developed in the course of working on your SiEas project:

Positive Traits:
Setting own learning aims
Taking initiative
Showing drive
Taking charge
Being more responsible
Being more self-motivated
Greater commitment and perseverance
Gain self-confidence & raise self-esteem
Greater independence

I think the econs department has a weird sense of humour.

Anyway, i did the survey with brutal honesty, i even wrote that our tutor didnt seem to be doing anything much + selected STRONGLY DISAGREE for a whole 2 out of the 8 sections - yes. There were EIGHT annoying sections. Seriously, the econs dept is DAMN NAGGY, I HATE UBER LONG BORING STUFF. Argh.


So yea. On a lighter scale. He's not there again today and as starbucks was packed once more, i went to coffee bean instead. Spoke to some random people there. Dont ask.

Oh and i saw a few couples from the school. *Ahem ahem*
Dont need to drop her hand just coz you saw me la. I used to hate it when that happens when i was dating this dude. I doubt any girl likes that feeling.

It's not that i wanna let the world know we're together or something, just that it feels so weird whenever the guy does that. Anyway, the thing here is, i already know, so what's with your reaction boy ? Hold her hand la. INTRODUCE HER TO ME SO I CAN BITCH TO HER ABOUT YOU NEXT TIME !! Opps. Maybe that why you didnt want to intro me. Hahahaha. I can just imagine:

"Meet my psychotic friend, shuyun (and her hippo)"










Oh well. After all that's happened, i still remember that day when you were waiting at the bus stop near my area for me with that gift, that tired grin on your face. I love you. Dont ever forget that. =)

me and my randomness.

you're dropped.

Aye. The usual mutiple of 3 span later and it's back to step one. Honestly, do i look as if i care ? Open those eyes boy, if that's how you want things to end, so be it. I'm no longer gonna give it a damn.



Oh yea. Warren !!! The song's MADE FOR YOU la. Feels so wrong to feel so right. Hur.

I BOUGHT THE CUTE TUMBLER FROM STARBUCKS !!! SO KEWL !!! Opps. That was a tad bimbotic. Just a tad. Yup. Hmm. What else. Oh yea. Samuel Justin wasnt down there today. Kinda weird. Not that he's reading this, but still, eh dude, go back airport leh. I missed your presence. Hur hur. The victorians there today were mainly females. No pretty ones sadly. Sigghh.


oh oh.. and for the fact that when i wrote the application question, there were certain moments when i wrote with much zest and the words just translated itself onto the papyrus automatically cos i actually believed in what i wrote. most of the time, it's mainly fabrications. haha.
From k.amri's blog. For some reason, i found this paragraph DAMN HILARIOUS. I think it's coz i still cant imagine anyone believing in what you write for GP's AQ. Heh.


Ps. Warren, i dont care who you hit on, as long as you dont touch my bunny. Dammit. I dont want a gay bunny. Enter the warren. Seriously, damn wrong.

starbucks

Yesterday's presentation went relatively well. Blabbered at some parts but still alright i guess.

Skipped school today as i wole up relatively late. Contemplated between going to siglap or the airport's starbucks to study. In the end i went down to the airport's because:

1. I remembered today's tuesday, waffle day.
So if starbucks is full, i doubt i'll be able to get a spot at gelare next door.

2. If starbucks and gelare are full, i dont really have anywhere else to go ?
At least at the airport there's still lots of random areas where i can just plonk my stuff and sit.

3. THE DAMN AREA'S GETTING OVER-CROWDED.
I'm seeing more and more people whom i know or look like people i know there. A tad annoying, really.

Hence, i went to the airport, indeed there was space at starbucks. Just after i dumped my stuff at the corner seat and went to get a drink, i noticed the silhouette of this guy near the counter. Taking a quick glance at his profile as i walked over to collect my order, it registered in my head: Samuel Justin.

Dammit.


Oh and i bought more nutty stationary.

Day 1 without wilfred. It feels weird not having him to hug when i'm walking about.

out with the old plan

Alright. Skipped chem and chinese to send my darlings to where they're long overdue - AppleCenter for the ibook and drycleaners for wilfred.


Ohoh. I brought the hippo to funan too, and on my way back to city hall mrt, this random dude commented that wilfred's cute. *beams*

Loves.

Hooked on a couple of songs lately, take it all by hillsong, dead man(carry me) by jars of clay and i want you by electrico. Got Dixon to play i want you on his radio last saturday, he commented that it's too hot a song for the night. First time tuning into his broadcast, had barrels of laughter and slept at close to 3am. Nevertheless, fighting for the last request of the night with mk was fun. Haha.


I know you're reading this. Somehow. I dont understand why everyone's defending you lately. Even people who used to dislike you so are asking me to forgive you. You dont need forgiveness, not from me anyway, i never blamed you. Really.
I mean it when i say i care for you. I love you. I really do.




you dont know how much this pains me, do you ?
or rather, do you even care ?

apple.

Okay. I finally decided to check my ibook's battery pack (due to the whole battery re-call biz) and i realised that my ibook's battery due for replacement too.

Good news is, i realised my warrenty is due till next feburary. I bought it in Feb 2004, hur hur. So i might be bringing my baby down to Funan soon to

i. replace the battery pack
ii. repair the damn cd-drive

In addition, because of that, after ignoring all those spamupdates on the new addition to the family, the MacBook and MacBook Pro these fews months, i finally took some time to read up on it. And well, it does seem pretty inside out. (Yes i shall just ignore the fact that it has an ugly keypad)

Problem is, if i do get it, what am i to do with my ibook ?

GP

Looking at what they've done for the presentation, i guess i'm in for a long night. Sigh.

bedroom slippers

I am having a fetish for bedroom slippers. Those big and puffy ones with rubber dots below. Best if they come in some cutesy cartoon design. Sooo sexy.


They just suddenly seem so orgasmic.



Tell me if you know where they're selling. Thanks. =))

You Are Elmo

Sweet and innocent, you expect everyone to adore you. And they usually do! You are usually feeling: Talkative. You've got tons of stories to tell. And when you aren't talking, you're laughing. You are famous for: Being popular, though no one knows why. Middle aged women especially like you. How you life your life: With an open heart. "Elmo loves you!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Elmo ones would be good. Hahahaha.

him.

Just as i was staring at my contact list, i saw someone whom balantly pointed out to me what would happen before anything really did. I doubt it's a self-fufilling prophesy.

But i think, Jason, laughing when he told me of what would be, is the best person to answer what went on between me and him - same him as in the last post - and the most suitable person to actually help me outta this.

Btw, WeiJie, I'M SO SORRY. =(

Ran into lots of people. Really lots. So yea. Too lazy to mention. Instead we shall talk about some things i've thought about lately.

Alright. Firstly, i've thought about some things regarding to him - i know how ambiguous it is, with the number of male friends i have, but well, his identity is meant to be kept under wraps - and decided that perhaps i'll speak to him about it after his A's are over - that cuts dont the list to only 24981372454 more people ! Okay. I'm joking. But yea, i'll drag him out of his place somehow and make him sit and talk it out with me, regardless of whether he wants to or not.

Secondly, i'm gonna speak to my parents about the whole religion issue soon. I hope to get it done by the end of the year. I've a feeling about this. This year might just be it.

Thirdly, i forgot what i wanted to say. So here's a random thing i decided to do. Compliments of Dixon.


How much have you changed?
Take this quiz, and see how much things have changed since then.
3 YEARS AGO TODAY
How old were you? Fourteen.
What grade year were you in? Secondary Two.
Where did you go to school? Damai Secondary.
Where did you work? Nowhere.
Where did you live? Opera Estate.
How was your hair style? Short. Very.
Did you wear braces? Nope.
Did you wear glasses? Nope.
Who was your best friend? Either KaiLin or TingTing i guess.
Who was your celebrity crush? Didnt have any.
Who was your regular-person crush? Cant remember. Doubt there was.
How many tattoos did you have? None.
How many piercings did you have? Two.
What was your favorite band/singer?: Enya.
What was your worst fear?: Not gettng into one of the Amath classes i think.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? Nope.
Had you gotten drunk/high yet? Nope. Turn red but not tipsy or drunk.
Had you been to a real party yet? Define real. Haha.
Had your heart broken? Dont think so.
Had broken someones heart? Doubt so.


HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!
How old are you? Seventeen.
Where do you go to school? Tampines Junior College.
Where do you work? Nowhere.
Where do you live? Opera Estate.
How is your hair style? Like that ?
Do you have braces? Nope. Still perfect. =P
Do you wear glasses? Yup. After my long wait. =)
Who is your best friend? Still either the two but there's a few additions here and there for the various bitching topics.
Still talk to any of your old friends? Yupp. As much as i can.
Who is your celebrity crush? Still none.
How many piercings now? Still two.
How many tattoos? Still none.
What is your biggest fear? Whether i'll get promoted.
Have you smoked a cigarette yet? Nope. And wont ever start.
Have you gotten drunk or high? As before. But am always high nowadays.
Have you been to a real party? As before. Define real.
Has your heart been broken? In a way.
Have you broken someones heart? Sadly, yes.

Spoke to Jo last night. Kinda spilled out some class stuff to him. Not much, in fact, barely skimming the surface of everything. Heh.

Was funny actually. How he said, life's easy there at SP Mass Comm, 'all you need is to be sharp tongued, quick witted and oh, heartless. Opps. You failed.'

Tend to get too emotional lately. Very bad. Ah well. It's the idiots like Jo around that make me remember that maybe life the next year or so wont be as bad as i thought with all those jokers off to NS. Losing jy was bad enough, cant believe another shipment's due this year end.

Oh and when mentioned that i'm looking for a bunny to toss around, Jo's respond was like "must make shrine". Hahaha. Spastic bunny.

I'm so afraid that i wont make it through. I feel so ill-prepared. Force yourself to do it girl. Come on. One last hat trick for the year.



Ironic isnt it ? Top art student. I hate art.

Loves, bunny. =)

run away

What do you notice in a girl/guy at the first glance?

Prathap: Eyes
Karikalan: Eyes
Rama: the dressing, the way she walks, the actions
Manpreet: Eyes and smile
Ashwinii: His hair
Ibrahim:attitude
Faizal: oh...then first glance it...ya...i will see the gal la(he's a moron)
Pak: Her face?
Suhaidah: HIS SMILE!

I'm so asking for it, but yea,

Me: HIS SIZE

Anyway, commenting on david's post regarding lunch yesterday, Girls are really slowpokes esp wx ytd. Thank god we didn't have to tolerate shu yun's pentium 0.5 eating habits.

Excuse me. I'm not that slow la. I mean, 20 minutes for cup noodles IS reasonable.

Also, your ending statement - Watch me. (so remind me of the shu yun-alton-trackmeet thing) - SO TOTALLY SOUNDS WRONG. WHAT ME AND ALTON TRACKMEET THING.

So yea. Now that i'm done with that, i shall bitch about those people who clog up starbucks for the 2nd day straight. It's like, i cant even get a decent corner there nowadays. Effing annoying really. Especially that two girls who clogged up a table each but in the end decided to use one table for ITEM STORAGE. Zzz.

But anyway, as nigel would say, i'm 'unusually passive today'. Today noon anyway. Heh. Texted nigel when i came home today asking to go jogging tomorrow evening. Yupp. Guess i'll be going to school then. Forgot to bring my shoes home on monday. Sighhh.



I need to run away.

Carry Me.

Not literally of course. I doubt there's anyone i know that can. Besides Daniel that is. Hahaha.


Unsuccessful day at the library today. Didnt really get much in. Less than what i would've got in one set of notes if i was at starbucks.

Maybe i'll go down to gelare tomorrow. SEE FIRST LA.



To give nothing less than my all.

count all the stars
notice one thing they're all thinking of you
and the future plans of prosper and peace
soon you will see
-Stars and Stripes by Olivia The Band

Ps. Banu, let actions speak, but this is one case where i wish actions wont be needed. Things werent never cheery to begin with and i doubt there'll be a happy ending.


Pps. I MISS MY BUNNY. Sounds so wrong. Lol.

life.

To live life inside out, not outside in. Aye. Wonderful line. Should really keep it in mind.

Service was interesting today. Shall check out a few more places first. But i really quite enjoy the fellowship there though. =)




Joseph ! I never told you this before but i get an awfully fuzzy-heartwarming feeling everytime you respond to me when i call you a bunny. Hahahaha. I know that those who know Jo personally would most likely be going 'Wth is wrong with you. Jo ? Bunny ? NO LINK.', well people, I KNOW I'M WEIRD ! Lalala~


Ah. Loves.

work.

Okay, i'm such a successful mugger that i forgot to put up my damn countdown list in the end. Zzz.

Not to mention the WHAT-I-WANNA-COMPLETE-BY-THE-WEEK list.

So yea. Here they are:

20 (at least i think it's twenty) days till promos !


Finish biological molecules, mitosis&meiosis, respiration, photosynthesis, chemical energetics, organic chemistry, PROBABILITY, BINOMIAL DISTRIBUTION by the week. =)




I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing
It's taking all this work

my week.

Okay, i've decided like a true mugger, i shall post up my countdowns.

I messaged Daniel this morning asking if he wants to join me at starbucks. I got bored, really. Especially since i do know that MingYi's not gonna be there today to provide entertainment when i stone - Trust me, he's damn entertaining. So yea.

But Daniel, being Daniel, wants to mug at home and alas, he has church after which, hence is only able to join me at night. But sadly, i had another family BBQ tonight, thus was unable to make it. Oh well.

Anyway, plans for this week (starting tomorrow la).

Sunday: Lunch with Debbie at 12.30pm, fcbc youth service at 1.30pm, wx's church event at 5pm.

Monday: Chem make-up lecture, sometime in the morning (lalala), Math make-up class after that (lalala), mugging at school, bring running shoes home

Tuesday: Starbucks at 2pm, leave early at 6.30pm, jogging at 7pm. Reminder to self: Call Joey.

Wednesday: Starbucks at 1pm, mug mug mug. Reminder to self: Get the chain fixed.

Thursday: Mugging at school from 10am, leave at 5.30pm, tuition at Charlie's place at 7pm.

Friday: I-HAVE-NOT-DECIDED. But yea. Stock up on snacks and maybe instant noodles for school.



Dear shuyun, DO YOUR DAMN CRUNCHES LA. I WANT THOSE ABS BACK !!!!

Should i dry-clean wilfred ? It'll take about a week. Geez. HOW TO SURVIVE ??? Express service is like 50% surcharge ? Argh.

eyes.

I remember how you used to joke about our eyes. You and your beautiful hazel ones, the ones i can just sit and stare at for hours. How they seem to dance, reflecting you and your passion towards things. How they sigh and make me feel so disappointed in myself. How i seem to get sucked into that vortex everytime i look into them.

You used to tease me about mine, how they seem to be so soulful one moment, wild the other, then empty like a dark oblivion the next.

I think, we contradict each other in countless other ways. Somedays, i feel that i've never really let go of you.




Then i feel stupid.

starbucks without wilfred (for 3 hours anyway)

Okay, i went down to starbucks to mug today and while on my way down, i kinda forgot (again) and took 40 instead of 32, hence had to walk back, not funny seeing how the damn knee's been acting up for 3 days now.

Anyway,i reached starbucks at about 1pm, realising how wilfred is missing, i had no choice but to call Johann. And yeaa.. Thank you, Joey, for being such an uber nice neighbour and going to my place to collect wilfred and bringing him to me !! Loves. =)

At around 3.30pm, Mingyi and Josiah-lookalike steps in. Mingyi, took a plate of the mooncake sampler from the lady behind the counter and started eating. While i was on the phone with warren, he came up and offered me some. Uber weird, really.

I managed to read through organic chem's introduction, alkane and alkene. Although i dont understand ANYTHING from alkenes. Bah.